Watch the Little Birdie
by Tigrislupa
Summary: Selina's evening plans take a slight detour when she ends up taking care of a little Robin. (Also known as the time Tim got in Catwoman's pants.)


This is a belated birthday fic for the lovely BrokenSeal. Many thanks to my beloved beta reader, Blackash!

* * *

Selina padded across the museum rooftop, stealing from shadow to shadow. The museum was hosting a special exhibit on priceless stones, and the infamous "Green Cat Gem" had been loaned for the occasion.

_Really, what did a fop like Bruce Wayne need with a piece like that? He wouldn't even notice it was gone._

Crouching down to kneel in front of a skylight, Selina grinned. The motion detectors here weren't the _most_ challenging she'd ever seen, and the thermal imaging cameras would be tricky, but what was a game without a few thrills?

Within minutes she'd bypassed the security and cut the skylight's casing loose. Lifting it gently, she shifted first one end then the other to the side until the opening was clear. After fastening her line she gave it a few quick tugs to make sure it was secure and glanced around one last time.

A flash of red on the rooftop across the street caught her eye.

Selina scowled. _Great, the little bird's here early_. She slunk over behind an old air conditioning unit and peered over at the surrounding buildings, nose wrinkling in annoyance. _But not even a hint of Mr. Tall, Dark, and Brooding. Looks like I'll be taking a rain check. It's no fun getting caught by the kid._

She turned and started making her way towards the other end of the roof, keeping to the shadows, until she reached the edge. Just as she was preparing to scale down, she paused and looked back.

Something wasn't right.

Robin hadn't moved. At all. He was just sitting there in plain sight. And Batman-

_Batman would kill me if I let anything happen to his little bird_. Grumbling, Selina started back towards the other building. _Bats owes me big time_.

* * *

As Selina hauled herself up onto the other building's roof, she glanced about once more to see if whoever incapacitated Robin was still around. She was _not_ walking into some trap set for the Bat, thank you very much.

But there was no sign of anyone. Just Robin. Sitting in the middle of the roof.

Except.

That wasn't Robin.

That _couldn't_ be Robin.

_It's just a kid!_

A kid with black hair stuffed inside a Robin suit that wouldn't fit him for another ten years.

_No. Even for Gotham. _She stepped back, edging towards where she'd scaled up. _There's no way this kid was-_

Her foot knocked against an old, crumpled can, sending it clattering along the roof. Bright blue eyes shot up to look at her.

"Catwoman!"

The voice clinched it. This kid was- _would be_ the Boy Wonder. _Just what is going on here?_

The boy tried to stand but tottered and fell back, flailing as he tried to move in the oversized, armor-plated uniform. "I didn't do it! I swear! I was- And the suit- But I didn't- Robin's not- You gotta get Batman!"

"Whoa, calm down there, kid." Selina strode towards him, hands held up in front of her. "I'm not the one who has a direct line to the Bat, so why don't you-"

"But you gotta! I think something's happened to Robin!"

_Oh for- He doesn't remember?_

Selina sighed, dragging a hand along her face, before coming to kneel in front of the miniature Boy Wonder. "First things first, kitten, let's get you out of all that armor." _Never thought I'd use what I've learned about the Batsuit on the birdie. Should be wired similarly enough. I hope. _

The kid frowned, uncertain. "But Robin-"

"I know for a fact that Robin's doing just fine." She unclasped the cape and started loosening the tunic's lacings. "So let's get you taken care of. Then I'll go and get Batman for you."

The boy's eyes widened. "Batman? For me? But I'm fine!"

Smirking, Selina slipped the armored tunic over the bewildered boy's head. "Sure you are, kid. You're what, five?"

"Seven!"

"You need to get home, and I have plans for this evening." Selina grabbed him under the arms and hoisted him out of the rest of the suit, leaving him dwarfed in nothing but a plain, white undershirt.

_No sense lugging the suit along. But I can't just leave it lying here. Thing's like a beacon for trouble_. She crouched back down and she balled the suit up before wrapping it in his cape and tossing the bundle into the shadow of an AC unit. With that taken care of, she knelt with her back to the kid and peered over her shoulder at him. "C'mon, kiddo, climb on."

The boy stood there with his arms curled around himself, hesitant, even as he started to shiver now that he was outside of his warm uniform. "You don't have to do this. I mean," small bare feet fidgeted on the cold rooftop, "don't you have other things to do?"

"I'm not just going to leave you out here," she said, exasperated. "Now hurry up." _Before you become an ice pack._

"But I can get home by myself!" he said, even as he scrambled onto her back. "I've been studying maps and everything!"

"Hold on tight, now." Selina rose and started towards the edge of the roof. Best to take him back to the safe house she'd been staying in. "Interesting hobby you have, kitten. You like maps?"

He shrugged as best he could with his arms looped around her neck. "Not really, but I need to learn them."

"Oh? What's a kid like you planning to do?"

"I'm, um-" The boy squirmed, ducking his head and pressing his face into her shoulder. Selina was about to start teasing him about having a little secret project when he blurted out, "I'm going to take pictures of Batman and Robin!"

Stumbling, Selina almost dropped the kid. She straightened before taking a quick glance at her passenger and shook her head. "He sure knows how to pick 'em."

"Who does?"

"I'll tell you when you're older, kiddo."

* * *

"All right, you're going to be fine while I'm gone, kitten?"

The boy sat in an armchair, completely dwarfed, his shirt pooling around him. He hadn't said a word the entire time she prepared to head back out, hadn't done anything except sit and watch. Now, though, he cocked his head to the side, his face scrunched in confusion. "Why wouldn't I be?"

_And there's a bundle of issues I'm not touching._

"I'm sure you can find something on TV, and the fridge has food if you get hungry," she waved towards the kitchen, "so just stay here until I get back. The Batman's going to be coming here looking for you, and we don't want to waste Batman's time, right?"

The boy shook his head, eyes wide.

"Good. Be back soon." And with that she slipped out on to the safe house's balcony.

Breathing in the crisp night air, Selina surveyed the view from the apartment. Now that the baby Boy Wonder was safely tucked away, what was the best way to snag the big bad Bat's attention? She hadn't been lying when she told the kid she didn't have a direct way to contact him.

_Which just leaves the fun ways._

Time to cash in on that rain check.

* * *

"Why hello there, Darling. Don't you just look _gorgeous_." Selina grinned as she examined the gleaming emerald. Holding it up, the carved eyes in the cat face seemed to almost come alive in the moonlight. Dropping the gem into a pouch on her belt, she scurried up her line to the ceiling before turning to look back down on the exhibit.

Nothing beat the rush of a perfectly executed heist. Unfortunately the point of this little excursion wasn't to get away unnoticed. With a sigh, she reached into a different pouch and pulled a caltrop out. With a flick of her wrist she sent it plunging to the floor below. Straight through a motion detector.

_That should get Batman's attention. Now to leave him a nice little trail back to the safe house and hope a little birdie distracts him enough to forget about my little bauble_.

* * *

Selina slipped into her apartment, closing the balcony door behind her. All that was left was to wait for the Bat to show up.

Glancing around, she couldn't see the little Robin anywhere. He wasn't in the armchair or either of the sofas or any of the other chairs. As she strode toward the hallway to start searching the rest of the apartment, she called out, "You still here, kid?"

A muffled "Yes!" came from behind one of the couches, followed by a small squeak. Curiosity aroused, she wove around the coffee table and knelt on the couch to peer down behind it.

_Oh this is just precious._

"I see you've made a few friends, kitten."

The boy looked up from where he was being swarmed by half a dozen cats. "Is this okay? I just started petting one and," he paused, leaning away from the tabby nosing at his ear, "I thought cats liked being alone?"

Selina came around and settled beside him, drawing some of the cats' attention away from him. Smiling, she stroked the back of a calico arching and rubbing along her leg. "I prefer to think they're just pickier about the company they keep."

As they sat there petting the cats, the tiny Boy Wonder looked up at her. "Where's Batman?"

"Oh don't worry, he's coming." One of the cats shifted, and Selina caught sight of a book splayed open on the other side of the boy. "Were you trying for a bit of reading?"

"Yeah, but I was-" he sputtered, spitting out a mouthful of cat hair, and pushed away one of the cats, who was determined to nuzzle his face. "-interrupted."

She reached over him to snag it before another cat could settle on it. Closing the tome, she saw the title and raised an eyebrow. "The Iliad? Interesting choice."

Flushing, he focused on petting the cat in his lap. "It was on the coffee table. And Mom and Dad just left for a dig in Turkey. That's where Troy was, right?"

Hopeful eyes turned to gaze up at her.

_Batman owes me so much for this. One day I'm going to collect and he won't see it coming and he will actually be surprised and this whole mess with his bird will all have been worth it._

With a sigh, Selina set the book down and stood as she started ushering the cats off of the kid. "I should have some more books about Troy in the bookcase in my bedroom. Why don't you go find one and bring it here so we can look at it together?"

"Really? That'd be great!" The boy scrambled up. Small arms hugged her waist before he tore off. Startled, she stood frozen in the middle of the room, listening as his footsteps thundered down the hall. _Really is the little things with kids, isn't it?_

Shaking her head, she turned towards the kitchen.

_Time for a glass of wine_.

* * *

Selina took another sip from her glass as she lounged back on the couch, listening to the muffled thumps and rustling coming from her bedroom. Bird boy seemed to be keeping himself amused well enough. Now, all that was left was for-

A shadow fell over her.

_Right on time_.

"Catwoman."

"Batman," Selina looked up, toying with the rim of her glass, "lovely to see you."

Crossing his arms, he towered over her, gaze stern. "What do you want?"

Her lips twisted in a wry grin. "Oh, I want a great deal," setting her wine to the side, she stood, "but this isn't about me."

"What-"

The boy scampered into the room, book clasped to his chest. "I found one! I-" He gasped, book thudding to the floor. "Batman!"

The Bat's eyes widened as he took in his partner before he shot her a look, the unvoiced "_Explain. Now._" clear on his face.

Selina quirked an eyebrow, hands raised. "Hey, he was like that when I found him, big guy."

He snapped his gaze back to the kid, bowling past her until he came to kneel in front of the boy. As the Bat began his inspection, he gently asked, "What happened?"

"I don't know, um, sir." The boy stood ramrod straight, his wide eyes sliding down to the Batsymbol emblazoned on the chest before him before flicking back up to Batman's face, only to be drawn back down to the iconic symbol. "I just woke up and I was on this roof in a red and green suit and it had the Robin symbol on it, but I didn't see Robin anywhere and I think something might have happened to him!"

"Robin's fine." Batman eyed the boy. "You didn't see anyone else?"

The kid shook his head. "Not until Catwoman got there."

Batman paused, looking the boy over, as if evaluating him. Selina watched on, amused, as the kid squirmed under his mentor's gaze. Nodding as if he'd come to a decision, the Bat clasped his hand on the kid's shoulder and asked, "How would you like to come back to the Batcave and help me figure out what happened?"

"You have a Batcave?" The boy stared at him, mouth agape. "And I can help you?"

"You sure can, chum." Batman rose and gave the kid's shoulder a squeeze before gesturing to the book on the floor. "Why don't you put that back while I have a word with Catwoman, and then we'll head out."

The kid nodded excitedly, scooping the book up and scrambling back towards the bedroom.

Batman watched him go before turning to where Selina stood leaning against an armchair.

"Thank you. For taking care of him."

Selina sauntered forward until she came to stand in front of him. Shooting him a coy look, she trailed a finger down his chest and traced around the emblazoned symbol. "I'd say that deserves some kind of reward," she tilted her head up at him and purred, "wouldn't you?"

His lips twitched. "You already got your reward."

"Oh," she draped her arms around him, fingers trailing along the back of his cowl, "have I been a bad kitty?" She rose onto the balls of her feet and leaned in, lips ghosting where his ear would be. "Why don't you show me what a good kitty gets?"

Batman's chest rumbled as he growled. His broad hands radiated heat as he grasped her, held her tight to him. The smell of Gotham, Kevlar, and a heady musk enveloped her and she breathed deeply, heart pounding. Light stubble brushed against her cheek as he dipped his head and laid sharp nips and fiery kisses along her jawline. With a low moan, Selina turned her head to try and catch him in a searing kiss.

"Uh, guys?"

They froze, lips a hair's breadth away.

_Of all the-! Wait- that wasn't the kid. That sounded more like the actual Boy Wonder._

Peering over Batman's shoulder, Selina stifled a laugh with her hand. A beet red, teenage Boy Wonder stood pressed against the far wall. One hand clasped across his eyes to protect his identity, the other clutching a throw pillow to protect his decency.

"A little help here?"

Batman moved quickly. He stood in front of his partner and cast his cape around the teen as he dug in his belt for a spare domino.

Selina sauntered towards the hall, but paused as she passed the dynamic duo. Ruffling the boy's hair, she grinned as his flush deepened. "I'm sure I have something you can slip into, kitten."

And with that she strolled out into the hall and into her bedroom. Gazing at her dresser, she grinned deviously. _What to give the little birdie._

As she pulled open drawers, she called back to them. "You know, Batman, you still have to show me your reward for good behavior. Why don't you come help me see the error of my ways?"

"Less flirting, more pants, please," Robin yelled.

"Who says you're getting pants, kitten?"

Robin made a strangled noise.

Rummaging through her bottom drawer, she found them. _Oh yes, these are perfect._

Selina sauntered back into the living room where Robin, now masked, was still shrouded by Batman's cape. "Try these." She tossed the pair of pants to him.

Snatching them out of the air, Robin hastily pulled them on but paused, looking down at himself. As Batman pulled back, Selina could see why. Her purple yoga pants clung, leaving little to the imagination, and his t-shirt was only marginally looser.

"Did you have anything, um-" The boy faltered, his hands awkwardly making an abortive gesture to cover himself.

Selina grinned, eyes twinkling. "I'm sure I could find a nice skirt if you wanted a little more breathing room."

"No, no," Robin stepped back, waving his hands, "these are fine." Turning to Batman, Robin jerked his thumb toward the city skyline. "Can we go now?"

Batman nodded and turned to leave, with Robin close behind him. Selina watched, amused, as they stood out on the balcony and prepared to go.

"So," Robin surveyed the buildings around them, "do you have a spare grapple launcher?"

Batman took his own out and briefly inspected it.

"Uh, Batman?" Robin peered up at his mentor, trying to catch his eye.

Batman looked back at her and nodded. "Until next time."

And with that, he wrapped an arm around the boy's chest and they were gone, swinging into the night.

Her guests gone, she closed the balcony door and strolled back through her apartment, shedding pieces of her costume as she went. Shutting herself away in her room, Selina sighed and collapsed on to her bed. Tonight had turned out far more eventful than she had planned, but now it was just her, her cats, and her new treasure. It was time to enjoy the fruits of her labor. Slipping her hand into her pouch she pulled out-

A note.

"_Nice try."_

Smiling, Selina tossed the note to the side. _Until next time, Batman_.

In the mean time, a glass of wine and a bubble bath would have to do.


End file.
